All About Mattering
All lives matter. I believe this, fervently, and regardless of how the phrase has been used by others.
I believed this before the tragedy of what's happening in Palestine/Israel, yet the situation there and what I'm learning about it is heightening my perceptions of mattering, and sensitivity to it. You'll see this throughout this newsletter.
Even with my deep commitment to everyone mattering, I know the way I interact in my world can convey that not everyone does. This is an awareness many of us who identify as white have come into—an acknowledgment that some of our most heart-felt inclinations, best-intended gestures or even completely neutral actions clearly indicate to people of color that they don't matter. Or don't matter as much.
Some things I can recognize. For a long time, my Jewish ancestry did not matter to me. The repetitive conflicts in the so-called Middle East—a constant refrain over six decades—did not matter to me. Interestingly, my anti-racism practice helped me realize that this active not mattering is part of the whole system of oppression I'm aiming to dismantle. I've written about this before.
As a way to step toward the things I've stepped away from for so long, I've been exploring the very concept of mattering. It's easy to see on a cultural scale how mattering works: our country is founded on well-articulated principles that some people matter and some don't. Through the centuries, this has seeped into all parts of our lives as Americans.
So how does it live in me? How does it feel in me; how does it work in my relationships; how does it show up in my family, workplaces, communities? Lately, I've brought this exploration to workshops, circles, caucuses and retreats. I now have about a dozen focused questions that generate a rich and riveting collective discussion. Here are a few—personal reflection about them is great; conversation about them with others is even more powerful:
How do you feel (in your body, in your heart) someone conveys that you matter to them?
How do you let people know they matter to you?
Where in your life do you feel you don't matter?
How do you know that the people who matter to you know they matter to you?
Who in your midst may not feel they matter and what contributes to this?
This reflection elicits different feelings and reactions by those who feel they matter in our world, and those who don't. As you can imagine, in this country the division falls across racial lines and spotlights all forms of marginalization.
This is how I understand Black Lives Matter (I suspect the word was chosen very deliberately): here is a people who have suppressed from speaking for or representing themselves, so it especially matters to listen to them. It's the same for Palestinians now. Saying this doesn't discount the mattering of Israeli lives—on the contrary, it demonstrates the thorough commitment to every single life mattering.
How we respond to our experiences of not mattering: that's the hard part. Just remember: all lives matter.
December 2023 Back to Blog Home
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