The Seven “A”s of Racial Repair
Recently, I found myself in a situation that called for an apology. The one I got surprised me. It was…perfunctory. Rushed. Delivered with downcast eyes. And totally dissatisfying.
This wasn’t a racialized moment or an interaction having to do with racism. My surprise, though, was because of my racial equity work. In the world of antiracism, apologies are critical lifelines that keep relationships across differing racial identities alive. I’m steeped in the study and practice of them. And apparently a little blinded by it (isn’t everyone learning this right now?).
Screenshot of the first page of the Seven A’s of Racial Repair. Click to download full PDF.
Walls go up in racialized moments, shutting off the possibility of keeping human-to-human connection—itself critical to antiracism: a woman who identifies as white gets defensive when a Mexican-American friend says her last comment was insensitive to immigrants…and she shrinks from their friendship. A white man gives his Black neighbor some party leftovers and they express feeling offended…then out of shame, confusion, and a little anger, he avoids connecting with them around the neighborhood. As I know from my own experiences (and as I hear about regularly from the white folks I work with), these moments are like sudden impasses: obliterating, unmovable, defeating.
That I am giving time and attention to what the harmed or offended person is telling me about their experience
That their humanity (their pain, struggle, experience) matters to me
That I’m genuinely interested in growing & learning from the situation so it doesn’t happen again
My colleague james boutin came up with a structure for apologies that I’ve adapted and used in workshops, coaching, and caucuses. I call it The Seven “A”s of Racial Repair. It is both a sequence and a list of actions to adapt to the specific situation you’re in.
Really (really) high level, the list looks like this:
Acknowledge the moment
Explore Accusations
Accept your role
Appreciate the interaction
Display Accountability
FInally, Apologize
Adapt every time
In the Seven “A”s of Racial Repair PDF I created, each of these elements has some explanatory description as well as some phrases that might help you come up with language of your own.
I refer to this sequence regularly myself—not just in my racial equity work, but frequently in my day-to-day friendships and relationships. It feels like a good time to share it with you all. I’d love to hear your stories of how it goes for you when you dissolve some walls yourself.
August 2023 Back to Blog Home
Want support, encouragement, insight or skilled prodding about topics like this? Check out my coaching.